puIsar's avatar

puIsar

leaving dA
226 Watchers766 Deviations
45.5K
Pageviews

adoptable sale

1 min read
selling a bunch of unsold adoptables so i can share the points i earn with my friendos as a goodbye gift <3

sta.sh/22f79pnj404l?edit=1

i can haggle with the 40pt ones but i wont go too low 

im also not looking for art since i gave away all my characters so dont try to give points + art

just points pls 
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
 
sigh. 





since this account is going to shit, i might as well do one last thing with it. 

this is going to be drama you probably dont know about, so you might as well ignore it unless you understand the title. 


now, lets begin.




A long time ago, i met Toby(i will not use people's real names) through deviantART and we hit off pretty well. He was... a really great guy. we had so many awesome convos and RPs and we were becoming really great friends. 

We had a thing going on for a while, which kinda happened on and off. then.... we parted ways. if i recall correctly, toby was the one who decided to leave me. it really hurt me, to the point of crying for hours straight until my whole body was exhausted. i loved him so much. 

we then get back together (as friends) and our story goes on for about four years, and from start to finish, i can guarantee you i did, truly, genuinely, love him, and care for him. i really did. you might not believe me; he might've portrayed me as a terrible person. but this is true. he was a very, very dear person to me. i just wanted to protect him the best i could. 

however, through the years, he started becoming a different person. 


now, toby had a friend, amelia. toby would talk about her alot, and i ended up meeting her through a skype call. 

at first, i dont like amelia. toby talks alot of shit about her, which makes me think of her as bad person.

as i came to know later, toby also talked shit about me to amelia. which made her not like me either. 

its important to say that both the friendship i had with toby and the friendship amelia had with him was very on/off, since one day he was okay to us and talking really well to us, and the next he would be angry at us and being really hurtful.

so me and amelia start talking more and i realized she was pretty cool, and she realized the same about me. 

toby did not like this. 


so i had recently just reunited with toby (since, again, our relationship was on/off) when he told me something horrible happened. 

he said he had been raped by amelia. (i forgot to say amelia was a irl friend of him, but they were both my online friends.)

please dont take this in the wrong way, but it is really important to say that toby is male by gender. i believe theres no further explanation needed.

i couldnt believe what he had just told me. i asked for details, he denied them, telling me it made him really anxious. i obviously backed down.

i asked amelia what happened, and heres her version:

they were in tobys house and, well, they were cuddling, and... amelia touched toby's breast in a way that could be considered inapropriate. as soon as amelia realized he didnt want anything, she took her hand off and apologized repeatedly. after that day amelia kept trying to reassure him and he said it didnt bother him. 

i obviously insisted with amelia, trying to get her to tell me the truth, and she said it was all bullshit. 

i asked toby for more details but he wouldnt give me any. i specifically asked him if amelia touched him in more inapropriate parts and toby said yes.

i was divided between two things. on the one hand, amelia could be lying. but on the other, toby didnt give me any details, which  could mean he was lying. 

i know you might be thinking "this bitch is full of it" but just read the whole thing. im explaining everything from my point of view. 



after this, i didnt stop being friends with amelia, neither i did with toby. 

as i said before, toby was becoming a different person. i do know that he has some mental issues, and trust me, thats not a bother to me, because as ive also said before, i did love him, i did care, and i wasnt going to back down. never. for real. 


for like, the 5th time, he left me, i dont even recall the reasons, since it had already happened so much before. and then we got back together (as friends) and things seemed fine, except that toby didnt really talk about his life. i asked if he was okay, trying not to force it too much, and he still didnt say much. so i didnt force him into talking.


everytime he was going through a rough time, i tried to give him support, but he then told me he just needed to be distracted. i tried many ways to distract him, play a game, rp, anything, but none ever worked.


i did try my best to help him, and felt helpless when i saw i couldnt help him at all.


one day, i left a comment on amelia's profile, since i hadnt talked to her in a while.


the very next day, toby starts freaking out with me, asking me how could i side with his rapist. (which is an obvious clue that toby went on amelia's profile and saw it, when they werent friends anymore and he supposedly didnt care). 

i told him there were no details given from him, which made him get even worse.


he said i was purely toxic to him, that everyone around him said the same. he told me i never really loved him. 

he said i was garbage, less than dirt. 

i loved toby. and i let him know of that everyday when i said goodbye. 

"love you, my precious sunshine". 

every single night. 


and we parted ways. 











now, you might be asking: so, why did you side with the rapist ?

remember, maybe, this is a lie. 

why? 

as ive said before, toby talked shit about me to amelia, and vice versa. its obvious that hes capable of lying and manipulating people to this point (just to, in my opinion, keep each of us just to himself.) 

plus, he had admited to me he suffered of a personality disorder and, later, psychosis. these two serious diseases, if not treated correctly, could have serious damage on a person, specially on their personality.

sadly, i believe thats what happened to toby. 

i told all of this to my therapist and she said they could both be saying the truth.

i was confused, and asked why. she told me, if toby really suffered from those illnesses, his vision of reality could be distorted to the point of actually, truly believing thats what happened. 

this theory also can be seen in the part where, even after i showed toby all my love, which was, again, true, genuine and pure, he still believed all of it was a lie and that i didnt really love him. 

on the other side, amelia has always been honest with me about everything. 


sigh, maybe im wrong. maybe i got it all wrong. but this theory seems logical, and the part here i have details from amelia and not from toby just makes me consider it even more. 


so, this is the story where the friend sided with the rapist.
the friend who loved the victim. 
i truly, truly.... loved him. 

i really loved you toby. 

i really did. 
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
it was a good run, but im gonna go now 

if i owe you art or points comment or note me !

if i commissioned you please note me and i will refund you ! 


things will be better from now on. thank you to everyone i met through these years and to everyone who has given me support, both personal and about my art.

maybe we'll see eachother one day ! be happy guys 
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In

raffle !

1 min read
 <da:thumb id="680399199"/> <33
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
toyhou.se/1020989.max-

comes with art !

(im not looking to get rid of him, just wondering how much someone would pay for him. thanks!) 
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Featured

adoptable sale by puIsar, journal

the friend who sided with the rapist. by puIsar, journal

leaving dA (if i owe you anything) by puIsar, journal

raffle ! by puIsar, journal

offer on my main sona ! by puIsar, journal